International Women’s Day – ‘The Deficit’
By webdev-swl
Published On April 2, 2019
The women in our lives give up a lot to be with us. I would argue that most of the women that have come into our life have had to sacrifice significantly more than us. Essentially, to be in a relationship with us they must be in a sort of perpetual ‘deficit.’ I am not for a second accusing men of anything just making some observations in International Women’s’ Week that may encourage some men to address the imbalance that seems to occur in some relationships.
Just a caveat here before anyone misreads my comments and manufactures outrage and deep offence launching a tirade of abuse at me on the Twitter -sphere, – The vast majority of men are loving, caring and supportive of the women in their lives. I get that. What I am saying is that instead of being vaguely aware that our wonderful partners are doing it tough, let us be very aware of it and make sure this consideration is front-and-centre in our relationships.
Just my thoughts on this...
In most cases, (the vast majority I’d wager!), the woman has gone backwards financially; emotionally; physically etc. and had to sacrifice the most to be in the relationship. In order to bring children into the world, their careers have been effectively put on hold for a very long time. That 12 months maternity leave seems to extend to quite a few years as the second and sometimes third child appears.
In some / most cases they never make it back to the dizzying heights that their careers once were before having children. They go back to work after this extended break to a lesser-paid job, reduced hours and less prospects of advancement and promotion. ‘Career Breaks’ for them sometimes means ‘Career Broken’. Their hard fought for and won Uni Degree mothballed as they try to reengineer their careers in some meaningful way taking anything ‘just to get back into the workforce’.
The stress and strain of leaving a child in care at any time for a loving mother is almost unbearable and the truth is, absolutely no one takes care of her child the way she does. Therein lies the real stress and strain. Our wives / partners drop off the little one each day to a bunch of strangers and drives off to work with tears running down her face, riddled with guilt because she knows deep down ‘we need the money.’
Financially, women / wives / partners seem to be forever playing catch-up! Their superannuation suffers during their working lives and as such their longer-term prospects financially are severely impacted. This is statistically correct as research shows women on average have a significantly smaller superannuation than their husbands for the same age / time.
If they’d never had children or in fact just stayed single, they could have skipped all of that and simply stayed in the workforce improving their financial standing and by extension, independence.
While I fully accept and acknowledge that each and every couple’s situation is different, it would seem that quite a few decisions around careers are made to the benefit of the man and the detriment of the woman in the relationship. Before you hurl any abuse, your fingers poised in indignation above your keyboard, let me say that this may well be because of what is best for the family finances as we all struggle to meet the crippling costs of living and raising children.
No problems – I get it. What I am saying is that if the lady in our lives has taken the hit in her career, look for ways to address that as the relationship moves forward and the kids grow.
Physically, women’s bodies take a heck of a beating having children. From the time of conception till well after the birth their bodies undergo massive transformation, pain, suffering and trauma. When you witness childbirth, regardless of natural or C-Section, you know you are in the presence of a truly fearless and courageous person because men would absolutely struggle with this! As the old saying goes, ‘If it were up to men to have babies, the world would have zero population.’ Ask yourself honestly, how would you cope with all of the challenges of pregnancy, childbirth then raising a child? We would complain about the pain of a hernia operation but that is hilarious when back dropped against a C-Section! Hell, we even collapse on the couch armed with the remote for five days when we have the flu.
Women don’t sleep much! While we’re snoring comfortably tucked up in bed, they are caring for children, feeding children, tending to the sick, worrying about the future, planning ahead, stressing about bank balances and pretending all is ok. When we finally crack our eyes open after a fitful 8 hours, look around and scratch our nether regions – we ask where breakfast is!
Women in life generally are the ones who have to try harder, work harder, be more careful and watch everything they say and do. They have to watch how they dress, where they go, what time of day / night it is for safety’s sake and so on. I remember speaking to a young woman many years ago and she told me that she had to plan out where to park her car when she goes out at night because getting back to it late in the evening is a dangerous exercise. Good point. Us blokes pull on a shirt, brush our hair and then go out the door without a care in the world.
Women appear to be judged much more harshly by our society. What they wear and how they wear it is an issue for fear of being branded with a derogatory name. Where women go, who they speak to, what they say and even how they say it is a real consideration for women. They are scrutinized in detail and they must carefully consider everything they say and everything they do. It matters more for them and the impact is greater…or at least the ramifications and consequences are much greater.
Consider how it would change our world if we had to do all of this careful consideration and planning well before we stepped out the door. How would it impact us as we felt the need to be vetting everything we said and did for fear of it being misconstrued and interpreted the wrong way?
Lastly, (and once again I am treading on sacred men’s ground here so I feel the big guns now pointed at me!), men seem to find lots of time to go fishing, camping, drinking, golfing, playing football, visiting mates for an hour in the afternoon to help in his shed and coming back late evening, quick trip to Bunning’s to pick up a paint brush then coming back three hours later, etc. etc. If you add up these hours each week I feel quietly certain that there exists a ‘down-time’ deficit…and women are not the ones in front.
I could go on but you get the idea. We can do a lot to try and adjust the inevitable and seemingly perpetual ‘deficit’ that women bear. ‘I love you’ and ‘I care for you’ are great for our girl to hear but love is something that has to be demonstrated each and every day. It does not find root in words but instead deeds.
Clean the house, make the bed, cook, take her out, mind the children, buy her a voucher to the hair salon, spoil and pamper her. As the old saying goes, nothing says ‘I love you’ like a clean house!
I don’t think that men can ever, (and I mean ever!), make up that relationship ‘deficit’, and that’s because it is just part of life in a lot of ways. The reason for the ‘deficit’ seems to be that women can in fact do absolutely everything that a man can do – astronaut, surgeon, captains of industry etc. but men certainly cannot do everything that women can do. That’s ok but let us then take the time to consider the women in our lives, support them and put them at the very forefront of our words and actions. Let us treat them with the greatest dignity and respect that they have in any case earned…by choosing a relationship with us.
Nick Bell
Nick Bell was a Watch Commander in the NT Fire & Rescue Service and has responded to countless critical / emergency incidents in his time. Based in SE Qld, he is now working as a Risk, Crisis & Emergency, Critical Incident consultant & trainer and educator to the business world and advises on preparation and planning for all manner of Crisis and Emergency events. Nick also writes stories & articles for various magazines, journals and newspapers.
Email – sdca1@bigpond.com
Phone – 0421 555 345
Copyright 2020 SD Consulting. SEO & Website Design by SEO Web Logistics